App
Testing the WordPress app for Android.
Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven”
As told by the Swedish Chef:
Once-a upun a meednight dreery, vheele-a I pundered, veek und veery,
Oofer muny a qooeeent und cooreeuoos fuloome-a ooff furguttee lure-a,
Vheele-a I nudded, neerly neppeeng, sooddenly zeere-a ceme-a a teppeeng,
Es ooff sume-a oone-a gently reppeeng, reppeeng et my chember duur.”
‘Tees sume-a feesitur,” I moottered, “teppeeng et my chember duur -
Oonly thees, und nutheeng mure-a.”
Eh, deestinctly I remember it ves in zee bleek December,
Und iech seperete-a dyeeng imber vruooght its ghust upun zee fluur.
Iegerly I veeshed zee murroo; – feeenly I hed suooght tu burroo
Frum my buuks soorceese-a ooff surroo – surroo fur zee lust Lenure-a -
Fur zee rere-a und redeeunt meeedee vhum zee ungels neme-a Lenure-a -
Nemeless here-a fur ifermure-a. Bork Bork Bork!
Und zee seelkee sed uncerteeen roostleeng ooff iech poorple-a coorteeen
Threelled me-a – feelled me-a veet funtesteec terrurs nefer felt beffure-a;
Su thet noo, tu steell zee beeteeng ooff my heert, I stuud repeeteeng,”
‘Tees sume-a feesitur intreeteeng intrunce-a et my chember duur -
Sume-a lete-a feesitur intreeteeng intrunce-a et my chember duur; -
Thees it is, und nutheeng mure-a.”
Presently my suool groo strunger; heseeteting zeen nu lunger,
“Sur,” seeed I, “oor Medem, trooly yuoor furgeefeness I implure-a;
Boot zee fect is I ves neppeeng, und su gently yuoo ceme-a reppeeng,
Und su feeently yuoo ceme-a teppeeng, teppeeng et my chember duur,
Thet I scerce-a ves soore-a I heerd yuoo”- here-a I oopened veede-a zee duur; -
Derkness zeere-a, und nutheeng mure-a
Deep intu thet derkness peereeng, lung I stuud zeere-a vundereeng, feereeng,
Duoobteeng, dreemeeng dreems nu murtels ifer dered tu dreem beffure-a;
Boot zee seelence-a ves unbrukee, und zee steellness gefe-a nu tukee,
Und zee oonly vurd zeere-a spukee ves zee vheespered vurd, “Lenure-a?”
Thees I vheespered, und un ichu moormoored beck zee vurd, “Lenure-a!” -
Merely thees, und nutheeng mure-a. Bork Bork Bork!
Beck intu zee chember toorneeng, ell my suool veethin me-a boorneeng,
Suun egeeen I heerd a teppeeng sumoohet luooder thun beffure-a.
“Soorely,” seeed I, “soorely thet is sumetheeng et my veendoo letteece-a:
Let me-a see-a, zeen, vhet zeereet is, und thees mystery ixplure-a -
Let my heert be-a steell a mument und thees mystery ixplure-a; -
‘Tees zee veend und nutheeng mure-a.”
Opee here-a I floong zee shootter, vhee, veet muny a flurt und flootter,
In zeere-a stepped a stetely refee ooff zee seeently deys ooff yure-a;
Nut zee leest oobeeesunce-a mede-a he-a; nut a meenoote-a stupped oor steyed he-a;
Boot, veet meeee ooff lurd oor ledy, perched ebufe-a my chember duur -
Perched upun a boost ooff Pelles joost ebufe-a my chember duur -
Perched, und set, und nutheeng mure-a. Bork Bork Bork!
Zeen thees ibuny burd begooeeling my sed funcy intu smeeling,
By zee grefe-a und stern decuroom ooff zee cuoontenunce-a it vure-a.
“Thuoogh thy crest be-a shurn und shefee, thuoo,” I seeed, “ert soore-a nu crefee,
Ghestly greem und unceeent refee vundereeng frum zee Neeghtly shure-a -
Tell me-a vhet thy lurdly neme-a is oon zee Neeght’s Plootuneeun shure-a!”
Qoout zee Refee, “Nefermure-a.”
Mooch I merfelled thees ungeeenly fool tu heer deescuoorse-a su pleeenly,
Thuoogh its unsver leettle-a meuneeng- leettle-a relefuncy bure-a;
Fur ve-a cunnut help egreeeeng thet nu leefing hoomun beeeng
Ifer yet ves blest veet seeeeng burd ebufe-a hees chember duur -
Burd oor beest upun zee scoolptoored boost ebufe-a hees chember duur,
Veet sooch neme-a es “Nefermure-a.”
Boot zee refee, seetting lunely oon zee pleceed boost, spuke-a oonly
Thet oone-a vurd, es iff hees suool in thet oone-a vurd he-a deed ooootpuoor.
Nutheeng foorzeer zeen he-a uttered- nut a feezeer zeen he-a floottered -
Teell I scercely mure-a thun moottered, “oozeer freeends hefe-a floon beffure-a -
Oon zee murroo he-a veell leefe-a me-a, es my hupes hefe-a floon beffure-a.”
Zeen zee burd seeed, “Nefermure-a.”
Stertled et zee steellness brukee by reply su eptly spukee,
“Duoobtless,” seeed I, “vhet it utters is its oonly stuck und sture-a,
Cooght frum sume-a unheppy mester vhum unmerceeffool
Deesester Fullooed fest und fullooed fester teell hees sungs oone-a boordee bure-a -
Teell zee durges ooff hees Hupe-a thet melunchuly boordee bure-a
Ooff ‘Nefer – nefermure’.”
Boot zee Refee steell begooeeling ell my funcy intu smeeling,
Streeeght I vheeled a coosheeuned seet in frunt ooff burd, und boost und duur;
Zeen upun zee felfet seenking, I betuuk myselff tu leenking
Funcy untu funcy, theenking vhet thees oomeenuoos burd ooff yure-a -
Vhet thees greem, ungeeenly, ghestly, goont und oomeenuoos burd ooff yure-a
Meunt in cruekeeng “Nefermure-a.”
Thees I set ingeged in gooesseeng, boot nu sylleble-a ixpresseeng
Tu zee fool vhuse-a feeery iyes noo boorned intu my busum’s cure-a;
Thees und mure-a I set deefining, veet my heed et iese-a recleening
Oon zee coosheeun’s felfet leening thet zee lempleeght glueted oo’er,
Boot vhuse-a felfet feeulet leening veet zee lempleeght glueteeng oo’er,
She-a shell press, eh, nefermure-a! Bork Bork Bork!
Zeen methuooght zee eur groo denser, perffoomed frum un unseee censer
Svoong by Serepheem vhuse-a fuutffells teenkled oon zee tooffted fluur.
“Vretch,” I creeed, “thy Gud het lent zeee-a – by zeese-a ungels he-a het sent zeee-a
Respeete-a – respeete-a und nepenzee, frum thy memureees ooff Lenure-a:
Qooeffff, ooh qooeffff thees keend nepenzee und furget thees lust Lenure-a!”
Qoout zee Refee, “Nefermure-a.”
“Pruphet!” seeed I, “theeng ooff ifeel! – pruphet steell, iff burd oor defeel! – Vhezeer
Tempter sent, oor vhezeer tempest tussed zeee-a here-a eshure-a,
Desulete-a yet ell undoonted, oon thees desert lund inchunted -
Oon thees hume-a by hurrur hoonted- tell me-a trooly, I implure-a -
Is zeere-a – is zeere-a belm in Geeleed? – tell me-a – tell me-a,
I implure-a!” Qoout zee Refee, “Nefermure-a.”
“Pruphet!” seeed I, “theeng ooff ifeel – pruphet steell, iff burd oor defeel!
By thet Heefee thet bends ebufe-a us – by thet Gud ve-a but edure-a -
Tell thees suool veet surroo ledee iff, veethin zee deestunt Eeedenn,
It shell clesp a seeented meeedee vhum zee ungels neme-a Lenure-a -
Clesp a rere-a und redeeunt meeedee vhum zee ungels neme-a Lenure-a.”
Qoout zee Refee, “Nefermure-a.”
“Be-a thet vurd oooor seegn in perteeng, burd oor feeend,” I shreeeked, upsterteeng -
Get zeee-a beck intu zee tempest und zee Neeght’s Plootuneeun shure-a!
Leefe-a nu bleck ploome-a es a tukee ooff thet leee-a thy suool het spukee!
Leefe-a my luneleeness unbrukee!- qooeet zee boost ebufe-a my duur!
Teke-a thy beek frum oooot my heert, und teke-a thy furm frum ooffff my duur!”
Qoout zee Refee, “Nefermure-a. Bork Bork Bork!
Und zee Refee, nefer fleetting, steell is seetting, steell is seetting
Oon zee pelleed boost ooff Pelles joost ebufe-a my chember duur;
Und hees iyes hefe-a ell zee seemeeng ooff a demun’s thet is dreemeeng,
Und zee lempleeght oo’er heem streemeeng throos hees shedoo oon zee fluur;
Und my suool frum oooot thet shedoo thet leees flueteeng oon zee fluur
Shell be-a leeffted – nefermure-a! Bork Bork Bork!
Post-Rapture analysis
If you haven’t been Raptured away and are still here, that means God doesn’t love you. Deal with it.
Gaze, one and all, upon the true face of the Democratic Party
Goodbye, good riddance, whatever…
It’s been said that the Klan is a lot like the mob: the only way to really leave is to die. Well, after a long illness, Senator Robert Byrd (D – KKK) has finally left the Klan for good.
Good riddance, I say. The world is a better place with one less Klansman in it.
QotD
“If people did not indulge in such abject evasions as the claim that some contemptible liar ‘means well’—that a mooching bum ‘can’t help it’—that a juvenile delinquent ‘needs love’—that a criminal ‘doesn’t know any better’—that a power-seeking politician is moved by patriotic concern for ‘the public good’—that communists are merely ‘agrarian reformers’—the past few decades, or centuries, would have been different.”
-Ayn Rand
On the road again
There’s nothing like visiting another town and having to cart someone to the ER.
Congratulations
Congratulations to the insurance lobbyists who managed to get their massive corporate welfare bill passed last night. I’m sure those millions of dollars in bribes spent on Congresscritters were well-spent.
Thought for the day
Which is better, being the teabagger or being teabagged?